I have a discussion with pain

Pain: Helloooo!! I’m baaaack!!

Me: oh g-d why must you harass me day after day?

Pain: Actually I never left! Thanks for not taking the third dose of pain meds last night.

Me: when will I learn?

Pain: I hope you don’t! I like your back and knees. I like your head as well.

Me: be gone with you!! Leave me alone! My mother I will not be!!

Pain: bwahahahaha. It’s called genetics.

Me: why do you insist on torturing me?

Pain: maybe someday you will thank me for making you so miserable that you kept looking for options.

Me: what the hell? You are sadistic.

Pain: you are pathetic… You ungrateful wench. If you took care of me properly, I might not be near as bothersome.

Me: didn’t you just blame genetics….?

Pain: sure… But there are things you can do to keep me at arms length.

Me: believe me I’m trying, but everytime I get happy and hopeful that you are minimized you stab me in the back.

Pain: *sigh* you need to be consistent. Here is a list of things I don’t want you to do, because they may chase me away….

Me: why would you do that?

Pain: believe it or not I have been enjoying your body, but lately it has not been as enjoyable. Here is a list of things to keep doing…. First of all DO NOT MINIMIZE ME! That pisses me off and makes me dig in my heals. And then how can the doctors help?

Me: but I’m so used to you being around, how can I assess a numeric value to my pain. You come and go and jump all over the place.

Pain: increase the number value… Use the facial expression chart to help you. Dang, I can’t believe I’m helping you to calm me down.

Me: *sigh* you make me so tired.

Pain: YES!! That is one of the side effects I gratefully give to you. And until you learn…. Oooooh… What are you doing out there?

Me: I’m exercising, you jerk.

Pain: I’ll just hurt you more!

Me: ha… I have fallen for that for years… It’s time I take charge.

……..

Narrator: I (Me) has started exercises and a better sleep routine.

…….

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