Big dark cloud descended

Yesterday, as I was waiting to get my hair done I took a picture of the Christmas tree and processed it.

Then a big heavy cloud descended.

I felt like someone had died. As I’m prone to do I tried analyzing why. It was exactly 2 years ago that my father-in-law died, but we had already acknowledged that. Then the post my daughter wrote about hating everything about her bday being in December with the tag #sorrymom. But I already knew why. Then a process group was ending… maybe that was it. My sister-in-law is coming next week. I’m anxious about that. Or is it because I am acutely aware of missing the UK. OR is it because we have lived in this old house for a year now and it drained our bank account dry. Or I just get depressed every December.

I have work to do. I have to get out and make friends. I need to make my anxious self do it. It’s scary.

The dark cloud isn’t as dark today but it’s still hanging close. Luckily it didn’t stay. It’s an awful feeling… heavy heavy grief.

Hope your day is better than mine!

After another cuppa, I’ll feel better!

@Ruth

9 thoughts on “Big dark cloud descended

  1. Christmas can be such a joyful time of year, but it can also be so very stressful, for a variety of reason. This year my husband’s hospital stay put a time crunch on my preparations and I am now doing all of the driving, which is also very stressful as there is no avoiding driving on the highway – which I hate. So although our underlying reasons for the dark cloud of depression are very different, I do sympathize with you. And I hope it lifts and allows you more days of peace and joy. Hang in there.

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  2. Thank you for sharing.
    December is a difficult month, hold onto the 💖 love, no matter how slight in the moment of darkness. Hugs of love . . embrace . . breathe . . draw strength . . in the moment . . carry on 💕💖 share yours🤗♥️
    sending you love 💗 hugs xoxo strength 💕🤗 I will light a candle ✨ to ✨remember ✨💗✨🤗

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