Four years ago today

Mommy died
No deep grief

Gone is the hope of having the mother I needed in my adult years

Her Bible killed our relationship

Once my first marriage ended
Real connection ceased
Only shared DNA & physical ills
Lots of unspoken disapproval

I grieve the loss of needed mothering

I grieve

~RuthScribbles

Ps I wanted to be poetic but it’s not time

27 thoughts on “Four years ago today

  1. Sorry for your loss, over and over again.

    On Wednesday, September 25, 2019, Ruth Scribbles wrote:

    > RuthScribbles posted: ” Mommy died No deep grief Gone is the hope of > having the mother I needed in my adult years Her Bible killed our > relationship Once my first marriage ended Real connection ceased Only > shared DNA & physical ills Lots of unspoken disapproval I grieve” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so powerful, Ruth! I am sad for your losses–the loss of your mother, the loss of the relationship while she still breathed this side of heaven.

    Reading this jostled my mothering heart toward my own wayward daughter (not that you were wayward—I don’t know your story). Our relationship is close and yet I find myself disappointed, wrestling over the lifestyle she’s chosen. I bite my tongue, but I think she senses my disapproval.

    Your post was an eye-opener about what she might eventually feel if things are left unsaid and progress. I will see her today and I will a million times tell her I love her. I will focus on the good and not hold so tightly to HER choices.

    Thank you for sharing your pain with us. Thank for opening my eyes and speaking to my heart. You very well could have been the catalyst in helping me to be a better mother to my daughter—the mother she needs.

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    1. Oh. Thank you for sharing. I hope it does help. I was/am a wayward child. I left the religion of my parents. They forever believed/believe I am bound for hell. The worst rejection began with a divorce.

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  3. I cannot even imagine the pain that both of you endured! I, too, am the “black sheep” of my family for forging my own path–one that does center around faith, but that didn’t come until the relationship was damaged.

    I’ve had to change my expectations and get my needs met by others (this took years, literally years to learn). My mind tells me that’s not how it’s “supposed” to be, but my heart reminds me over and over again how precious it is that I have been given the gift of treasured friendships.

    Trusting that you are on a journey of wellness and filled with hope–whatever that may look like for you. Feeling thankful that I stumbled across your blog this morning. 🙂

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  4. Dearest Ruth, so sorry for your loss and the circumstances surrounding the disconnection too. If you’re still dealing with the issues of religion, there is an organization called Recovering from Religion which has a Helpline you can call or chat into. They have a staff of volunteers who offer peer support when the emotions of that situation get overwhelming. https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/ They are a good bunch and a great resource. ((hugs)) ❤

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    1. Thank you so much! My journey has taken me to skeptic. My journey away started in 1979….. Slowly. It will always be an issue, but I don’t tremble in fear of hell hardly ever. ❤️❤️❤️

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  5. Sorry for your loss, I totally understand as my mother and I had a love/hate relationship. Mine passed 5 years ago and it’s still hard to process my grief. Writing helps, it’s so strange how we could be best friends one day and not want to talk to each other the next. My 4 half-sisters didn’t even attend her funeral…something I will never understand. Even as wonky as our relationship was, she was still my mother and I did love her very much. She loved me too, she just didn’t know how to show it all the time.

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