Depression sucks-a Vent

Or maybe it is not depression

Is it boredom?

Or is it low self esteem?

Am I too worried about what people will think?

i.e. “She is dark all the time,” “don’t talk politics,” “why can’t she be happy?” “Smile already!” “I know that’s hard, BUT……” “Don’t constantly talk about the past, the past is the past.” “especially don’t talk about anti-racism.”

I have heard these statements applied to other people and to me. These statements are triggers. And I never know when one will stick and send me downward. I really try not to go “down,” but if I am, I need to express it to get out of it.

I came to WordPress to just write what I wanted to without a care about what others thought. And now I have disappointed myself. I realize I want people to like me and agree with me.

When people do not agree with me, I feel rejected. This is mental illness. I have made lots of progress, but today I felt like I needed to write this. I haven’t been writing because my thoughts have been unpalatable for many, or so my head tells me.

I am NOT looking for “atta girls” I’m just talking.

If you feel like you need to comment, please be aware of how you comment (I fail here too.) Things like “have you tried” “you should” “but you have a beautiful life” “depression is a sign of spiritual depravation.” “do you know what caused this?”

If you made it this far, thank you for listening while I vent.

~RuthScribbles

46 thoughts on “Depression sucks-a Vent

  1. I hear you. In fact, I sometimes flat-out tell people to avoid giving me advice in comments (not that this always works). Everyone thinks they know what causes and cures migraines, so I get the never ending “my aunt says hers went away when she began eating lemon rind” or whatever stupid thing. So annoying! Hope you have a good day, Ruth. Hugs! 💗

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  2. I know how you feel. Its truely hard to have a high self esteem and do what you love when theres so much pressure on you. Even if you put the pressure on to impress people yourself.

    Writing became so depressing for me when I realised my series would go unread. I had to remember that I started writing just for me and realistically nobody else mattered back then. I wasn’t going to publish when I started. In fact deciding to publish was my biggest ever mistake. So now Its just for me again. If I get some likes on the way then thats a happy bonus.

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  3. I think you’re right, certainly that certain types of post will attract more interaction than others. How we respond to that is an individual thing. A few years ago I posted a lot of political stuff (when, conveniently, I had no audience) and tend not to now. Not “vote this, vote that” nonsense, but ideas for how we might solve certain problems. I remain very proud of those posts, although I tend not to post that type of content any more.

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    1. For example, one of the things wjich struck me as unfair in the US system is the number of Electoral College votes each state has, and, indeed whether, in this day and age, whether you need an Electoral College at all. But I’m aware that it could be my own semi-ignorance, from this side of the pond, which makes me ask those questions. It might be useful to hear somebody’s thoughts on that subject. But… not exactly click-bait!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of us. It has to do with population, and district within a state. Which is set up by gerimandering. I also understand that it is/was based and steeped in racism and that Blacks were not a whole person.

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  4. Well, it’s your blog, so say what you need to. Of course not everyone will agree, I just hope they do so respectfully. If not, you have the power to UN them. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is spot on. Sometimes you just want to lay your feelings out there because it feels like a positive outlet but then someone comes along zapping all that positive energy with one crappy comment. Definitely keep writing. I find myself avoiding it all too often because I wonder how people will react to it.

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  6. *hugs* I think it’s OK to vent, or feel cruddy, or whatever. Some days that is the appropriate response to the crazy world around us. Some days you’re Merry Sunshine, and that’s OK too. Feelings are complicated – and its really hard to have someone say “Oh, but you ought to” because they don’t know the whole picture. Keep writing, Lady – you’re loved as you are.

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      1. Nothing yet. Mom has some things she must do before I finish packing up my life. There’s also a trick in finding what we need, but we have faith it will pan out.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s good to vent. In fact on my care giving site I specifically yell people they can vent to me; I will listen without judgment; and respect their privacy in what they tell me, if anything. After 14 yrs of taking care of my mom, and my wife 13 yrs with hers, I couldn’t wait to vent.

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  8. Interesting post here Ruth. I do not necessarily think you are dealing with depression, maybe you are sensitive, some people are. I would advise that you (1) try to speak to a counsellor or therapist (2) join online forums where people who have similar attitudes are (3) Pray to God about it. I think these three are core. Therapists have education on these issues and they would most likely know the best advice to give you. Online forums where people with the same inclination are would give you insight on how they cope and you could benefit from that. Last but definitely not the least, praying to God. God is real and prayers work. He hears us when we speak, and he wants the best for us. God works out everything for the good of those who love and believe in him. A relationship with God brings healing, peace, and so much more. I think the peace of God is key here, because the peace of God allows us to worry less, and to be comfortable more. The good thing is that God is not just concerned with one aspect of our lives, but actually all aspects of it.

    God says in Jeremiah 29:11
    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

    God says in Isaiah 41:10
    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”.

    The Bible says in Philippians 4:6
    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”.

    Whenever you feel worried, depressed, sad, triggered = pray to God. Whenever you feel happy, elated = pray to God. Pray at all times, let the Father know what you are going through, he loves you and he cares.

    If you or anyone interested wants more information on how to connect with God, I have a post on it here:

    https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/how-to-build-a-relationship-with-god/ 

    You can check out the blog post above. If the information is too overwhelming for you, then you can start slow and work your way up gradually. If you want to stay updated and you want more posts from me, you can follow my blog. I post about God, faith and Christian Spirituality. If you ever need to talk, then send me a message on the “Contact” section of my page.

    May God’s grace be with you, Amen. 🙂

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